How was your day?

Assalamualaikum and holaaaa everyone. Uhhuhkhukkkk *dust everywhere* Where am I all this while? Silent without any story, missing without communication, left behind. I really have problem to answer this question lately. 

I’m not okay for a longggg time. I’m keeping myself in my room, I hide, I avoid, I don’t want to socialize with everybody, I shut myself to human. I just in my world, Wandering around, doesn’t wanna face reality, I’m lost. I don’t know how to go out from my room. I’m stucked. It was suffocated, I can’t barely breath. No human in my world, but there’s a lot of voices in my head. I can’t even distract myself, I can’t persuade myself to be okay. I just want to absent. I’m not in my own skin. I feel like I change. I feel different. I’m useless. Like, I don’t really fit in this world. I’m supposed to die, and I’m not gonna lie, I’ve done too many attempts to run from this world (Inc self harm). Shut down. Disappear. Gone. Deactivate. 

I’m so sorry to let my kind souls people in my life disappoint. I’m sorry for not being there during your hard times. I pray a lot, for Allah to make it ease all of your struggles. I know, everyone going thru different tests. Just let you guys know that I really love everyone who was there during my stumble time. Thank you for your understanding. I appreciate each of  person in my circle for letting me to reach out. You guys help me a lot. May Allah bless you guys always and provide you jannah.

The reason of my absent was my mental illness. I don’t want to spread my negativity. I’ve been diagnosed MDD & anxiety, Psychiatrist has prescribed me medicine, and I’m on therapy with clinical psychologist too. Kindly pray for my life journey. I accept my condition. I accept everything. I wanna heal. I can’t stand this pain. I’m trying to get better day by day. I’m taking my own time. To slowly breathe.